Chicken-Legs Joey
11/8/11 Dream

One glorious evening in a dream world Ms. Ryan Keely, Mr. Greg Miller, a friend of mine and myself were all at Ms. Keely’s place watching a movie and eating some popcorn.

Ms. Keely was at one end of the couch, with my friend at the other end.  Mr. Miller and I were in the middle, he at my friend’s side and I at Ms. Keely’s.  I was a little uncomfortable because Mr. Miller didn’t seem too pleased about my friend and I being there.  This feeling was confirmed when a displeased, long haired, Mr. Miller leaned heavily against me and seemed to purposely put his long hair all over me and my popcorn.

“Uh…you’re getting your luscious hair all over me”, I said, hoping the compliment about his hair would make him more inclined to get it off me.

“Oh.  Sorry about that”, Mr. Miller said, while he slowly removed his hair.

“Do you want switch seats?” I asked.

“Sure”, Mr. Miller said with a little bit of enthusiasm.

We switched seats and it was around this time either a little boy or a midget entered the picture.  The layout of the dream also changed.  We were all on the side couch and the midget-boy was looking under the main couch.

“There is a lot of popcorn under the couch. Like, a lot”, midget-boy said.

I went to look under the couch and found popcorn, a lot of it, just like midget-boy had said.  I started to clean out all of the popcorn. 

“You don’t have to do that.  I’ll do it later”, Ms. Keely said.

“It’s alright.  Might as well clean it since I’m all ready down here”, I responded.  Ms. Keely didn’t seem too happy about me cleaning, but there was no way I could leave all that popcorn under there.

Mr. Miller went outside at some point during my cleaning, not sure when because I was too busy cleaning.

When I finished cleaning I looked up and saw Ms. Keely sitting next to my friend.  My friend was applying some kind of cream under his eyes.

“What is that?” I asked.

“E-cream.  It helps with my wrinkles”, my friend answered.

“Jesus. Be a man.  Who cares about wrinkles? You want look like a man or do you want to look like a boy?”, I said, smiling the whole time.

Ms. Keely looked at me, genuinely surprised, and said, “Wow, you do a great job imitating a man.”

I laughed, unfazed, and said, “That’s cold blooded.”

“I’m not trying to be mean.  It just surprised me. I guess I could have said it better”, Ms. Keely said.

“That’s fine, I understand”, I replied.

Mr. Miller was still outside and I was disappointed he had missed what had just happened.  Out of curiosity I looked outside, through the blinds, to see what he was doing.  I was surprised to see a bunch of other people outside with him.  They looked like hippie/hipster people.  Most of the guys had beards.  I assumed they were his friends from San Francisco.

The dream fast-forwards to the next morning. 

Mr. Miller, who now has short hair and is sporting beard, is sitting at a table looking displeased. I’m guessing it is because I’m still around.

“Uh…Greg”, I said sheepishly.

After a couple of seconds of pretending not to hear me, he said, “Yeah”.

“I really enjoy the the IGN podcasts. They’re all pretty awesome”, I said.

Mr. Miller’s face instantly changed. His face lit up and he seemed very pleased, “Really? Thanks man, I appreciate it.”

At that moment, everyone that was outside last night came inside, including Mr. Ryan Clements.  Mr. Clements had 80’s Bon Jovi hair with some massive sideburns.  He came in inside, shook my hand and walked away.  He was singing the entire time.

The other people also worked at IGN and they invited me to hangout.

The End

07/03/2011 - 07/04/2011 Dream

A few days ago I had a dream where I was lying in bed with a midget version of 1990’s Cameron Diaz.

We started making out.

I remember feeling her little, stubby, legs trying to wrap around me.

As we were making, I thought to myself, “I’m totally about to bang a midget.  I never thought this would happen.”

Right after this thought, 1990’s Cameron Diaz transformed from a midget to her regular, tall and slender, self.

The disappointment was written all over my face.

“Do you still want to have sex with me?” she asked, noticing I was upset.

“Of course  I do,”  I said.

We continued to make out, but she was no longer interested. 

My disappointment of her transformation was too much for her.

It’s hard to believe 1990’s Cameron Diaz is not enough for me.

Apparently, I really want to bang a midget version of a female celebrity.

Who knew?